Outrage!

Open letter to the Chairman of Butterfly Conservation, Sussex Branch, the Hon Neil Hulme MEP - Sir Whilst driving along the A272, ordained by our esteemed idol IRP Heslop as 'the backbone of the Purple Empire', I was outraged to see two large plastic butterflies on a house on the western outskirts of Billingshurst, West Sussex - of a type other than iris. Moreover, the offending objects were of that grossly inferior insect, the swallow-tail butterfly (which many of us consider a mere moth). This is by far the worst affront to Purple dignity I have ever experienced within the Empire, and is utterly intolerable. I, and fellow readers, demand that you instantly remedy this preposterous situation. We want the offending house raised to the ground and replaced by a stand of sallows, and the occupants responsible impaled on Nordik walking poles and used as bait during the forthcoming season. We await your account of the actions taken with interest. I remain, sir, determined to finish this excellent bottle of Medoc and start on the port. Yours etc